A Million Stories

It's no secret: Philadelphia's sewer systems can't handle heavy storms. When too much water rushes in — anything more than a quarter-inch, says the Philadelphia Water Department (PWD), which happens, oh, about 50 times a year — the system overflows its pipes. That means shit, piss, goldfish and whatever else you flush down the toilet gets dumped directly into the city's rivers instead of passing through waste treatment plants.

The PWD, under the regulation of the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection (DEP) and the EPA, is trying to tackle the problem: All that construction that makes Kelly Drive a bitch to drive these days is for a mile-long tunnel to add capacity to the storm-sewer system, and collect the excess rainwater that normally overflows onto East Falls properties — those people are rich , coincidentally — and drain it into the Schuylkill River, so that it doesn't mix with the mass of human excrement . The PWD is also planning a project in Manayunk , a 3 million-gallon containment basin on Venice Island designed to catch sewage overflow .

Currently, the excess sewage shoots out a pipe below Shurs Lane into the Schuylkill. This is of particular concern, because a few miles downstream sit two of the city's water treatment plants, which draw from the Schuylkill to provide about half the city's drinking water. Yes, the department assures us, the water is treated, tested and totally safe to drink. But still. Gross.

The PWD has had the Venice Island basin on the drawing board since 1995; the basin is, in fact, mandated by the DEP to comply with the federal Clean Water Act , which governs water quality in rivers and streams. This is a long-term goal; since the shitwater doesn't pose an immediate threat to public safety , they say, there is no DEP deadline to complete it, so naturally, the PWD is making characteristic bureaucratic haste . The department hopes to break ground sometime this year, and estimates that construction will take two or three years.

In the meantime, drink up!

Quasi-Breaking News Desk

So, we missed this thing last week, and the week before, too , but we were on vacation, so give us a break. Besides, it's not like anyone else picked up on this little nugget, because for them, just like for you, and just like for us, the holidays are a time for cheer and family and hookers and blow, not for checking your BlackBerry for the latest U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development press release. (Also, friendly note to HUD: If you want anyone to actually read your press release , don't send it out Dec. 23. Just saying.)

But the day before Christmas Eve, when precisely nobody was paying attention, HUD announced that the Obama administration is granting $67.3 million to keep some 365 Pennsylvania homeless assistance programs open — part of a nationwide $1.35 billion program, all of which is designed to keep nearly 6,500 programs that offer services and housing to the less fortunate open during the upcoming winter, when people who live on the street have an unfortunate tendency to freeze to death. Of that money, some $25 million is headed to Philadelphia to fund more than 80 programs — roughly 25 of which are run by the city itself — that offer, for the most part, either permanent or transitional housing for the homeless. That's a good thing.

That said, we should note that these funds are extensions of existing programs, and not more funding for new programs. Those grants, HUD promises, will be announced early this year. Again, fantastic. But before the next round of checks are cut, we'd like to direct HUD's attention to a piece our own Isaiah Thompson — whom the readers of philebrity.com recently declared Best Writer in the History of Humanity, or some such thing — wrote last month ("Through the Cracks," Dec. 3, 2009), on the stimulus money that had gone to homeless programs. As Thompson reported, the $21 million the stimulus directed toward city programs certainly helped, but it didn't reinstate desperately needed money that the Bush administration had cut for long-term case management programs, which many of the estimated 664,000 people in this country who go to sleep every night without a permanent roof over their heads need to get back on their feet.

We're not saying that case-management money is the silver bullet. With a problem as complex as homelessness, such a thing doesn't exist. But it is part of the answer, and shouldn't be overlooked.

Dept. of Green Things

We're full of good news this week. Maybe it's the long weekend, or maybe we're just reveling in the afterglow of the Mummers Parade (by the way, check out our picture of that rare species, the Lady Mummer, right), but we're finding all sorts of thing to rejoice in this new year. Like this: As part of the city's comprehensive land-use plan, the Parks and Recreation Department wants to add 500 acres of green space to Philadelphia by 2015. And, importantly, they plan to distribute the space equitably throughout the city. That means often-underserved ghettos, right?

Probably, but it's too soon to know for sure, says Parks and Recreation Commissioner Michael DiBerardinis. DiBerardinis says that his department is committed to moving into overlooked neighborhoods — a good thing for those who live outside Fairmount Park's usual reach. DiBerardinis points to Carroll Park in West Philly as an example of a successful urban green space that is well-run by neighborhood leaders in partnership with the city.

"We know the formula for successful green space," he says. "There are models in every neighborhood." The plan is still in its nascent stages, and the department hasn't yet identified specific target areas. Also, not all the new green space will fit the traditional definition of a park. The department is looking at creating green schoolyards and introducing more urban farms.

Sounds great. But let's talk money. While some of the new park space, DiBerardinis says, could come from converted land the city already owns, the department will have to buy other parcels. And like every city department, Parks and Rec isn't lighting cigars with $100 bills these days. "You still gotta have ambition," DiBerardinis says. Even if the city is plum-broke, there are state and federal dollars up for grabs. "We have to compete for those dollars. If you say, 'There's no money, I can't do it,' that's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Even when there's no money there's a little money."

This week's report by Jeffrey C. Billman and Aaron Kase. E-mail us at amillionstories@citypaper.net.