A Million Stories

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Evan M. Lopez

Accepting donations in brown paper bags

Pretend for a moment you're Burlington City, N.J., and you've got this 400-acre island just sitting there, uninhabited and desolate, waiting for you to do something, anything, with it. So you solicited bids from would-be developers, and after hearings and presentations and probably brown paper bags stuffed with nonsequential U.S. currency — this is Jersey, after all — you've narrowed down your options to two: A re-creation of a Lenape Indian village, which would include a museum, a wildlife garden and a marina; or a proposal from a Bridgewater-based company called Adventures in Reality LLC for a $400 million Bible-based theme park with virtual plagues and virtual floods and all the other virtual reality that nearly a half-billion dollars can buy.

Do you go for the project that focuses on the island's history, or do you opt for the only Christian theme park on the Mid-Atlantic Coast (there's one in Orlando called the Holy Land Experience) and become a tourist mecca — pardon the expression — for evangelicals? City spokesman John Alexander says he "really has no idea" which proposal the city will go for when the city's Board of Island Managers takes up the issue later this month. But we were curious: What would a Jesus theme park look like, exactly?

Founder and CEO Georgeann DeLuca — a business consultant who started Adventures in December 2008 and plans to raise start-up capital through private investors — says the park won't break ground for five-to-10 years after approval. It will boast 40 attractions, the centerpiece of which would be the Noah's Ark simulator: "Once [the ark simulator] is built, you will be in a vehicle and experience going through the greatest flood of mankind," she says. "There will be wind machines, sound machines, you'll experience the wind and the flood and the rain. Then the sun will come out, and people will step through the doors and then you will come out into a Noah's Ark petting zoo."

DeLuca pledges a family-friendly atmosphere: "This isn't going to be Passion of the Christ," she says, though she does admire Mel Gibson's contribution to torture-porn. "Adventures in Reality is definitely sensitive to younger kids. Kids are afraid of Santa Claus these days." Meaning that most of the stories involving rape and massacre — which, if you read the Good Book, is a lot — are out. Except for the plagues — the Angel of Death slaughtering Egyptian children is good, clean fun.

Doesn't using scripture as the basis for a for-profit park, with food courts and Mickey Mouse-type characters, cheapen the message? "As a Christian myself, marketing can be done in a way that is pleasing to God," she says. "It doesn't have to be this shrewd type of business that some of the secular world engages in. We're not telling people about God. We're showing people how it really is."

Joy-zee Bureau

Speaking of Jersey, we have to give them props for at least trying to do some progressive things. On Jan. 7, ahead of the Jan. 19 takeover by troglodyte Chris Christie, the state Senate voted on a law that would allow gay and lesbian couples to marry. It didn't pass — the vote went 20-14 against — but at least gay couples in Jersey can still get civil unions. (This week's Profiles in Courage awards go to South Jersey Dems Stephen Sweeney — the Senate majority leader — and James Beach, neither of whom bothered to vote.)

Here in the Keystone State, not only can gays and lesbians not marry, or get civilly unionized, or have their relationships legally acknowledged in any meaningful way, they also aren't protected against job or housing discrimination . While 15 of the state's municipalities — Philly among them — have such laws, roughly 73 percent of the state's population lives in an area where it is entirely legal to be fired for no other reason than an attraction to one's own gender. Gay marriage isn't even on the radar.

"Don't hold your breath in Pennsylvania," Gov. Ed Rendell told The Philadelphia Inquirer. "Culturally, given the social mores of the majority of the people of Pennsylvania, it's going to be a difficult lift."

Polling here puts support for gay marriage in the low 40s, so he's right. But what about incremental measures — civil unions and anti-discrimination laws ? There's support for that stuff; at least, according to an analysis of public opinion published in the American Political Science Review in August 2009 by two Columbia University professors. They estimated public opinion on gay-rights issues in all 50 states. In Pennsylvania, they find that 78 percent support anti-housing-discrimination laws, 66 percent support job-discrimination protections, and 52 percent favor allowing gays and lesbians to form civil unions. So, will 2010 be the year our politicians take some baby steps toward equality, or are they too scared of the Bible Thumpers Brigade to do the right — and popular — thing?

In other Jersey news, on Jan. 11 the state legislature passed a bill permitting the use of marijuana to treat severe illnesses. Although it's the most restrictive such law in the nation, it's still something. And it's not happening here anytime soon. So, for those keeping score: Jersey 2, Pennsylvania 0.

Evan M. Lopez

Speaking of fucked-up laws in Pennsylvania, did you know that female prisoners in this state can actually be shackled while they're giving birth? We're not making that up. Six states — California, New York, Illinois, Vermont, New Mexico and Texas (!) — have banned or restricted the practice through legislation. In most other states, even the ones without specific laws, women aren't shackled while they're giving birth. In New Jersey, for instance, the shackling of preggo prisoners isn't prohibited by statute, but prison guidelines say that women in their third trimester shouldn't be restrained, and no restraints are to be applied during labor. Jersey 3, Pennsylvania 0. Damn.

According to thecrimereport.org, a Web site that reports on crime issues, Pennsylvania is one of 17 states where women can be restrained during childbirth. (Technically, Pennsylvania women can only be shackled up until "active labor;" however, advocacy groups say this unlegislated policy has no repercussions if disobeyed. And, the BBC recently interviewed a Keystone prisoner who said she was chained until just before the baby popped out.) No one, not even those fighting this practice, are sure how long it's been around. Philadelphia prohibited prison guards from restraining women in labor in June 2008, but most of the state's counties still allow it. Finally, though, it could soon end, if state Sen. Daylin Leach, D-Montgomery/Delaware counties, gets his way. On Sept. 2, he proposed a law banning the shackling of women prisoners during, before and immediately after labor. His bill will go to the state Senate's Judiciary Committee Jan. 25.

"My take on it was that [the idea that] women who are nine-months pregnant, in labor and giving birth are going to leap out of the bed, overpower the two armed guards, jump the wall and flee to freedom seemed sort of incredible to me," he says. "I'm hoping we don't get a lot of opposition. But I've learned that in Pennsylvania, you never know what to expect."

This week's report by Jeffrey C. Billman and Andrew Thompson. E-mail us at amillionstories@citypaper.net.