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By: Evan M. Lopez

Now it's time for This Week in Harrisburg, our occasional rundown of the drool-on-your-shirt crazy, perpetually backwards and possibly corrupt doings of the country's most populous full-time legislature!

The week's big news: State Sen. Pat Browne, R-Lehigh County, wants Pennsylvania to become the very first state in the nation to have an official firearm! In fact, this Allentown gooper not only wants us to have our own gun, but he already has one picked out for us: the Pennsylvania long rifle, an 18th-century weapon used for shooting Redcoats, Indians (probably) and deer (we presume). (Technically, Browne sponsored the legislation last May, but apparently the Capitol media just took notice, so it's news to us.)

Big deal, right? It's not like any of us can name the state flower. (It's the mountain laurel.) And the rifle Browne has chosen is historic, and a bit classier than the Glock G17 9 mm, which would have been our choice. But, you know, considering that certain sections of Pennsylvania — namely, us — have a teensy-weensy problem with gun violence, perhaps being the first state with an official gun isn't the image the state wants to project. Or maybe it is.

Speaking of image problems, Feb. 1 marked the opening of the sexiest corruption trial this side of Vince Fumo. Former Democratic whip Mike Veon faces corruption charges for allegedly concocting a scheme to pay legislative aides $1.4 million to work on campaigns, which helped the Dems take back the House in 2006 and give us sweet, sweet table games . Hurray! This is the second trial to come of Attorney General Tom Corbett's three-year Bonusgate investigation — coincidentally, Corbett is running for governor — which so far has turned up 25 arrests, seven guilty pleas and one acquittal.

According to Pittsburgh television station WPXI, prosecutors "described efforts by state workers to help Veon put on a fundraising event in his district, ship his motorcycles to an event in South Dakota" — Sturgis, holla! — "buy takeout food for a weekly basketball game he organized and challenge ballot petitions so favored Democrats would have easier campaigns."

All of which sounds awfully shady, and kind of funny. On the other hand, had Democrats not taken back the House, this next bit of insanity may actually have become law: On Jan. 27, 30 state House Republicans pushed for a bill to nullify any health-care reforms that Congress manages to pass, because of socialism or whatever. So maybe we should cut Veon some slack.

Dept. of Austrian Bodybuilders and their Kennedy Wives

When the Sestak for Senate campaign wants you to go to an event, they get seriously annoying about it. They'll call you Sunday night. And Monday morning. Then send you an e-mail. Then e-mail you again. And eventually, you give up and go, "All right, we'll go, geez."

So, we found ourselves with U.S. Rep. Joe Sestak at the Cosmopolitan Club on Feb. 1 for the unveiling of the "Shriver Report: A Women's Nation Changes Everything," a new study on the status of women in the 21st century. Yes, the report is the progeny of California first lady Maria Shriver (along with the left-leaning Center for American Progress). No, she wasn't there. Neither was Ah-nuld. Yes, we were disappointed .

According to the report, because of the recent swell of layoffs, women now hold more jobs than men for the first time in history. And more often than ever before, they're families' primary breadwinners; and yet, women continue to earn less than men for the same work, which sucks. So Sestak, who has about three months to convince Pennsylvania Dems that he's a superior candidate to Arlen Specter , was Johnny-on-the-spot with his brand-new "Gender Equity Act of 2010," which would guarantee that women wouldn't lose their jobs if they missed work to give birth, give businesses incentives to offer mothers flexible work options and expand child-care tax exemptions, among other things.

"The bottom line is, the payback from all this is tremendous," says Sestak. "The common good is rewarded by it."

Politicians are cute

By: Evan M. Lopez (CLICK IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION)

We like Wilson Goode Jr. There, we said it. We like him for the hilarity of his scandals — like the time in 2008 he was allegedly busted "fraternizing" with chief legislative aide Latrice Bryant , perhaps while she was on the clock, and then Bryant held up signs in City Council (!) comparing Fox 29 to the Ku Klux Klan . We like him for his self-aggrandizing half-inch-thick white papers, which he publishes under the title "Goode Work," that expound upon, in copious detail, his legislative agenda, as well as what he's reading (The End of Liberalism, by Theodore J. Lowi) and when he had his first staff meeting (4 p.m. on the Friday after he was sworn in, to see which staffers looked at their watches first). And, most of all, we like Goode for his futile stabs at good governance, which he presses ahead with despite knowing they'll never, ever be enacted.

Like last week, Jan. 28, when Goode proposed amending the city charter to set term limits for him and his fellow Council members. Nothing draconian, mind you: Current denizens of Council could be elected twice more; newbies would have three bites at the apple. Is this a good idea? Eh, who knows. Sure, it'd be nice to forcibly purge some of the bums every now and again, but isn't that what elections are for? But that's not the point. The point is, that to the rest of Council, Goode might as well have suggested they go commit ritual suicide. Of course, 13 of his 16 colleagues have served for three terms or longer — including Council President Anna Verna , who has sat on the dais since Pennsylvania long rifles were in fashion — so their opposition isn't all that surprising. (Only Councilman Bill Green signed up as a co-sponsor.)

Quoth Frank Rizzo, whose Council gig is practically a birthright: "I don't want to have a bunch of rookies representing me."

"Each generation should have the chance to serve and take control of its own destiny," Goode tells us. He adds that he has no intention of serving past 2019, no matter his bill's fate.

At first blush, his proposal doesn't look to be headed toward victory. Then again, Goode was the guy who, in 2003, spearheaded a campaign finance reform law over then-Mayor John Street's veto, so who knows.

So you know how after the nuclear holocaust, the only things left will be cockroaches? We kind of feel the same about the Metro, Philly's largest-circulation daily (and the only one not in bankruptcy). That's totally not a slight; more like begrudging admiration. See, after the journalistic apocalypse — which by our count is due ... tomorrow? — their model of wire reports and superficial coverage of whatever was on last night's news, combined with a circulation that is damn near ubiquitous on subways and commuter trains may be all that remains. Might not be so hot for journalism itself, but for the paper's Swedish overlords — who own more than 100 of these pubs worldwide — it's got to be capitalistic gold.

On Jan. 24, the Philly Metro celebrated its 10th anniversary. So, happy belated birthday. You bastards.

This week's report by Christine Adkins, Jeffrey C. Billman and Eric Pettersson. E-mail us at amillionstories@citypaper.net.