Re: Freshmen

by M.J. Fine

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Published: Feb 9, 2010

In the wake of grunge, it was easier than ever for mainstream rock bands to win points for sensitivity without sacrificing aggression. For The Verve Pipe, that meant riding a song about a girlfriend's abortion and suicide to the top of the charts.

After a delicate guitar intro, "The Freshmen" opens on our guilt-stricken young hero, contemplating the sins of the headstrong girlfriend who won't have his baby and marry him. "Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice," singer-guitarist Brian Vander Ark laments. He goes on to blame her for being sexy and in love, but he does it with a sneer, to clue you in that he's judging the cad. That's when he kills her off, letting her do the dirty work with a Valium overdose. His reaction: Oh, well, freshmen are young and dumb. Vander Ark's described "The Freshmen" as part fact, part poetic license. That is, his ex did have an abortion, but she didn't commit suicide. The sentiment's sick and the pronouns are confusing, but at least the music's appropriately pretty and grave.

Give "The Freshmen" credit for making 1996's Villains go platinum, because the disc's otherwise barren of memorable tunes. The title track describes the narrator's back pain while picking up a subscription card that fell out a magazine; "Cup of Tea" and "Photograph" are just generic grousing. And those were the hits. Among the misses are "Cattle," with its grim, grammar-challenged observation that "When the mouth is open grows a cancer everybody wins," and "Real," which recalls a boy's joy at pretending to kill Mother Goose and other nursery rhyme characters.

The Verve Pipe's first release in eight years is, of all things, music for children. A Family Album is packed with hyperactive arrangements, horns and harmonicas, and patronizing lies like "There's nothing to fear" and "It's fun to get up early in the morning." There's a soggy ode to cereal, a Quiverfull counting song and a soporific lullaby. (OK, that last one works.) If it seems out of character for Vander Ark and company to court kids, never fear. There's plenty here to horrify English teachers and romantics.

(m_fine@citypaper.net)

The Verve Pipe plays Tue., Feb. 23, at World Café Live.

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