The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

+1 To protect equipment and riders, SEPTA institutes a new policy that stops bus and trolley service before weather conditions become unmanageable. And resumes it in April.

+1 Local youth jazz participants learn Arabic music as part of a cultural exchange program. Hope you kids like "random" screenings and searches.

+1 Three state legislators ask the Department of Transportation to refuse new tags to people who have outstanding parking tickets from the PPA. So the Parking Authority and PennDot sat down to work out the details. For an idea of what that meeting looked like, imagine a walrus and a cigarette machine spitting at each other across a giant conference room table.

+1 Art Institute students are allowed to re-enter their dorm after a carbon monoxide leak forced them out six days before. Thus ends the school-wide abstract "gray" period.

0 Local man displays his '69 Camaro decorated with pictures of U.S. combat vets for the Philadelphia International Auto Show. Wins the prestigious Best in Decoupage and Shitdazzling a Classic Car awards.

+7 Rob McElhenney and Kaitlin Olson from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, along with a few of McElhenney's friends from St. Joe's Prep, will reopen Skinner's in Old City as Mac's. You had us until you mentioned the Prep. We predict a sausage party.

+1 A Reading man is sentenced to 33 months in prison for forging author signatures into books and then selling them on eBay. Wait a minute, did Harry Potter sign all this shit or not?

-10 This winter could end up being snowiest on record for the region. Fuck you.

0 Jonathan "Super" Squibb eats 238 wings to win this year's Wing Bowl, just three short of Joey Chestnut's record. Then he took a big orange crap. Oh wait, that was just Snooki.

This week's total: 7

Last week's total: -5