The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

- 6 A fire at the headquarters of Gamble-Huff destroys 40 percent of Philadelphia International Records' memorabilia. If you haven't seen that stuff by now, you will never, never, never see it.

0 Philip Mancuso, a cheesemaker on Passyunk Avenue for the past 70 years, calls himself "the last of the Mohicans." "Fight on, noble warrior," says American Indian ghost. "Do us proud with your many cheeses."

- 4 City Controller Alan Butkovitz says Philly's snow removal cost the city $10 million. And that's without removing any.

- 2 Concert industry pioneer Larry Magid leaves his position as chairman of Live Nation Philadelphia. Ticketmaster shrugged.

+ 1 Philadelphia doesn't return a call from a Canadian company offering to sell a mobile snow-melting machine, so they sell it to Baltimore instead. Philly reaches down and musses Baltimore's hair. "This is a big win for you, sport. Who's my special little guy?"

+ 1 Andrea Roth, an actress on FX series Rescue Me, films a public-service announcement in a Fishtown apartment. The message: 99 percent of all start-up bedbug circuses go out of business in their very first year.

+ 1 Mayor Michael Nutter launches PhillyGoes2College, an office and Web site for students, parents and adult students interested in area colleges. Psst, guys, may we also suggest PhillyHas2FinishHighSchoolFirst?

+ 1 Franklin Institute's popular Webcam following a red-tailed hawk couple is back up and running. Male hawk immediately drops his pants and logs onto ChatRoulette.

0 "It would be a win for us just to hold onto the things that we have," says Mayor Nutter to community activists concerned about his next budget. "And now, if you will excuse me, I'm off to kiss my sister."

- 2 City Council members Frank DiCicco and Jim Kenney propose that the city sue Facebook, MySpace and Twitter for providing organizing platforms for last week's Center City flash mob. And everybody just laughs at these sad, old men who've been left behind by the real world.

This week's total: -10

Last week's total: 16