A Million Stories

All the news we care to print.

by Jeffrey C. Billman, Holly Otterbein and Eric Pettersson

Evan M. Lopez

Attention Philadelphians: Do you love your city? Do you have a passion for creative writing, and perhaps a gift for wordplay? Would you like to win such fabulous prizes as "one tulip and Daisy fruit arrangement courtesy of FruitFlowers" or "four vouchers courtesy of The Bourse Food Court & Specialty Shops"?

Well, citizen, Mayor Michael Nutter would like to hear from you. On March 16, hizzoner's office put out the word to local media types that, as part of "Philly in Bloom," a "celebration of the upcoming spring season," the city will be hosting an essay contest, and he wants you — yes, you — to join in the fun! Just head over to phila.gov/phillyinbloom and tell Nutter et. al. why you love Philadelphia soooooo much (you get extra points for mentioning his goatee or telling him how ace the Streets Department was with snow removal this winter).

On each workday between March 10 and May 31 — a little behind the press release eight ball, are we? — someone in the Office of the City Representative (basically, the Department of Commerce's PR squad) will select a winner, who will then receive one of the aforementioned prizes.

The city is also offering a bunch of discounts to area businesses through the site, which is great and all and you should check it out, but really, we just wanted to know what you miscreants had to say on the subject of your Philly love. And you didn't disappoint ... too much.

Truth be told, judging by the first set of winners, the victory bar seems to be set pretty low. For instance, on March 17, Molly O'Shea nabbed two passes to the National Constitution Center for this little prosaic kernel: "I love Philadelphia because it has everything you could want in a big city — in a neighborhood atmosphere!'

Are you writing yet?

Stuff We Get in Subways

By: Evan M. Lopez (CLICK IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION)

Speaking of Mayor Nutter, did you know that he is a war criminal, just like Slobodan Milosevic, or Dick Cheney? Well, he is — convicted, in fact, by a Dec. 13, 2008, tribunal. Or, so says the flier we were handed on the subway by reps from our favorite West Philly black power group, the International People's Democratic Uhuru Movement (InPDUM).

According to InPDUM, by authoring a city budget that included $1.1 billion for police and jails, Nutter committed "crimes of genocide against African people!" Also of note: Nutter, Police Chief Charles Ramsey and District Attorney Seth Williams are all "powerless puppets for white power," but you probably knew that already.

In December 2008, an InPDUM member was removed from a town hall meeting after trying to serve Nutter with a notice of the tribunal's findings, which demanded the "jailing of killer cops and reparations to police murder victims."

In March 2009, InPDUM's flier asserts — they didn't call us back by press time — its members were "brutally attacked" by the cops during a City Council meeting, during which they were holding up signs protesting Nutter's proposed budget/genocide. In the video InPDUM put up on YouTube, the Uhuru members were asked to remove their signs, they refused, and then some pushing ensued. Nothing too major, but enough for two members, Diop Olugbala and Shabaka Mnombatha — whom InPDUM calls the " City Hall 2" — to be arrested and charged with aggravated assault on a police officer and disorderly conduct. On Jan. 26, Mnombatha was convicted of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest and sentenced to three months probation. (Olugbala's scheduled Feb. 10 trial has apparently been postponed.)

Mnombatha is appealing — "the court's ruling reaffirmed what African people have been experiencing for 500 years: there is no justice for African people in the U.S. colonial courts," the flier reads — and if you are just as outraged as they are about this travesty of justice, InPDUM would like to invite you to its "PEOPLE'S Townhall Meeting," Wed., March 31, at the Independent Media Center (4134 Lancaster Ave.). Or, if you're angry and lazy, just send them money: $35 for a one-year membership.

Make checks payable to InPDUM.

This Week in Gay

Here's a shocker: Separate is not equal — it wasn't when Plessy v. Ferguson said racial segregation was A-OK back in 1897, and isn't today over in New Jersey, where gay couples are denied the right to marry.

But don't blame the New Jersey Supreme Court for the cockamamie compromise of civil unions — blame the good 'ol state legislature. Back in 2006, the court ruled in favor of the gays in Lewis v. Harris — a case brought forth by Lambda Legal, a national gay rights legal group —and declared it unconstitutional to provide same-sex couples with fewer rights than breeders. But rather than open the gates to gay marriage and all the filthy anal sex that goes along with it, the court put the ball back in the legislature's court, and the Domestic Partnership Act was born.

Of course, a rose by another name is not as sweet. The Civil Union Review Commission, appointed by lawmakers in 2007, collected testimony from more than 150 couples, families, lawyers and medical experts on the consequences of Jersey's civil unions. Across the board, it was determined that they suck ass (and not in a sexy way): "Marriage" is a powerful word, and without it, gay couples face backlash from everyone from health care providers to employers to their kids' teachers. Additionally, many folks don't even know what a civil union is, forcing people like Gina Pastino — who testified before the Commission — to have to explain it to a doctor as her lesbian partner faced a life-threatening illness in another room.

"It's an invitation to discriminate," says Hayley Gorenberg, deputy legal director for Lambda Legal. "It forces you to reveal your sexual orientation constantly — on the job and in health care applications and in hospitals."

At the end of 2008, the Commission unanimously recommended that "the legislature and the governor amend the law to allow same-sex couples to marry" and that "the law be enacted expeditiously, because any delay in marriage equality will harm all the people of New Jersey."

This January, however, the New Jersey Senate voted down a gay marriage bill, 20-14. Lambda Legal is marching on, anyway.

Last week, it filed a motion with the state Supreme Court on behalf of its plaintiffs in '06, asking that the court itself legalize gay marriage. Lest you think that's a nifty, unprecedented idea, be apprised that Iowa and Connecticut's courts have done it already, and New Jersey's very well might do so as well.

Meanwhile, here in Pennsylvania, the crotchety Senate Judiciary Committee voted last week against a constitutional amendment that would have banned same-sex marriage, even though it's already banned by state law. Which — though it's something — still puts us, like, 10 years behind the Jerz.

How awkward is that?

This week's report by Jeffrey C. Billman, Holly Otterbein and Eric Pettersson. E-mail us at amillionstories@citypaper.net.