The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

+ 4 At a forum on flash mobs, former Philadelphia Prison Commissioner Leon King says the city should take the money that'll be spent on guilty youth, and instead spend it on rec centers. In prisons.

0 Attorney General Tom Corbett's spokesperson claims that the lawsuit he filed over health-care reform won't incur any additional costs on taxpayers. "It's just a stupid political thing I did," he explains. "Don't worry about it."

+ 1 Art history experts determine that a local family's "face jug," which was long stored in their attic, is a rare artifact made by South Carolina slaves. The Mütter Museum gets like a big huge boner imagining a jug full of human faces.

- 2 According to the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board's sales figures, Philadelphians are buying cheaper alcohol, and buying it in larger quantities. Adding, "From us. Bwahahaha!"

- 1 The Phillies fan who offered sex for World Series tickets to an undercover cop is found guilty of attempted prostitution. And Bucks County prosecutor Stephen Jones puts his hand up looking for a high five, but everybody leaves him hanging because he has wasted everybody's time and money when there is real work to be done. And he goes home and does a lot of soul-searching, thinking back to when it was all about helping people, not just chasing headlines. And he tries to cry, but only sand comes out.

+ 1 Stu Bykofsky likens Mayor Nutter to a "truffle-hunting hog," "Dr. Frankenstein" and a guy "feeling between the sofa cushions for loose change." He'll act out these archaic metaphors and more at his new one-man show, Stu Cracked Corn and He Don't Care, debuting at Society Hill Playhouse this weekend.

+ 1 The city launches its "UnLitter Us" campaign, in which spoken word poets speak out against litter. And literacy.

0 Vincent Fumo's fiancée says she's still in love with him, despite the fact that he's currently in jail. Know what, lady? We've been screwed by Fumo, and in a sick way we kinda miss it, too.

This week's total: 4

Last week's total: 7