The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

+1 The state legislature passes a budget on time. Good job! You know what? This is going right on the fridge!

0 Local summer schools dismiss students early in anticipation of 100-degree temperatures. So, just a heads up, nerds: The mean dumb kids are gonna be at the spraygrounds today.

-1 Stu Bykofsky, in a piece about President Obama's recent moderate speech on illegal immigration, says the commander in chief must've attended "Stu-niversity." Nobody laughs, but Stu couldn't care less. Dude's got tenure.

+4 "You're all scientists," says teacher Andrew Dunakin to a group of grade-schoolers enrolled in Philly's Science in the Summer program. "At least according to the course requirements of Stu-niversity."

+2 Thirteen children become U.S. citizens at a Betsy Ross House ceremony. And, as such, quickly lose interest in the Betsy Ross House.

+3 Philadelphia will use more than $25 million in federal grants to attack obesity and smoking epidemics. That's enough money to buy gym memberships for every obese Philadelphian, but yeah, go buy up some strongly worded bus ads.

+1 Teach for America begins its five-week training program in Philadelphia. Day one topic: Why Only One in Four of You Will Ever Get a Full-Time Teaching Job, and Why That Job Will Pay You One-Third of Arlene Ackerman's Bonus.

0 A former gambling cheat is now on the Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board's payroll, teaching dealers how to spot others like him. Tip 1: Look for the words "Penn­sylvania Gaming Control Board" on their pay stubs.

-5 State legislators pass a budget that includes projects honoring Sen. Arlen Specter and the late Rep. John Murtha. For Murtha: a granite scrapple sculpture; Specter: giant bronze flip-flops.

This week's total: 5 | Last week's total: 9