A Million Stories

All the news we care to print.

by Jeffrey C. Billman and Holly Otterbein

So, we hopped in the A Million Stories Mobile Headquarters — a 1995 Ford Aspire, thanks for asking — and drove down to D.C. Saturday to witness Glenn Beck's 100 percent apolitical America-and-Jesus porn ... OK, no we didn't. Really, did you really think we'd go to that thing? Do you think we give a flying fuck what that professional troll and his army of old, barely literate white folks have to say, especially on a goddamn beautiful Saturday morning? Shit, no. We spent the day chasing our hangover with Bloody Marys and watching Earth 2 on Netflix (Google it). And, dare we say, this was a far better use of our time.

But there was more to this week than Beckapalooza and Hurricane Katrina remembrances, and that's where we come in. First up, an underreported press release from the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection (DEP), titled "Majority of Marcellus Well Operators Fail to Meet Production Reporting Deadline." As DEP reports, 41 of the 74 natural gas drillers operating in the Shale failed to report their wells' production levels by Aug. 15, in violation of state law.

Big freaking whoop, you say. It's basically a clerical error, right? Well, perhaps. But remember, just last month, when we told you about that Pennsylvania Land Trust report documenting the more than 1,400 occasions DEP had cited Shale drillers for violating state regulations in a two-year period, including 952 violations that, according to the report, were "most likely to harm the environment," including things like the illegal discharge of industrial waste [A Million Stories, Aug. 12, 2010]?

Here's the question: At what point do we realize that these companies see the state's rules as mere inconveniences to be subverted at every opportunity? Clearly, they're not exactly quaking in their boots at the thought of the DEP bringing down the regulatory hammer. And why should they? Within the next month, the state legislature will gather to set a severance tax rate on natural gas extractions — and in Harrisburg, no one wants to slay, or inhibit in any way, the goose that will lay billions of golden eggs. Competing bills in the state House would slap tax rates of either 8 percent of the extracted gas's value, or at least 25 or 35 cents per 1,000 cubic feet of natural gas removed. That's a lot of money , considering the likelihood that thousands of gas wells will soon line the Shale [Cover Story, "Drill, Baby, Drill!" Isaiah Thompson, Feb. 18, 2010].

The legislature needs the money, and the gas drillers know it.

WE DO LIKE A GOOD DICK JOKE

You know what we love more than naked bike rides, the jailing of no-good politicians and dick jokes combined? Anything — anything at all — that makes our competition look bad.

What? At least we're honest.

Enter Alison Greenberg, a Yale student entering her sophomore year who took an unpaid internship this summer with "a regional magazine in Philadelphia" — ahem, Philadelphia magazine — which she likens to "slave labor." According to Greenberg, who's chronicling her experiences at theexintern.blogspot.com — that fact got her a shout-out at journalism superblog Romenesko — the only job interns had there was fact-checking; in fact, she says, only interns fact-checked articles. (Not true, says Philly Mag research editor Victor Fiorillo, and we believe him: After all, your average intern can't yet drink or form original thoughts legally. No offense, interns.)

She also says that though the internship was sold to her as a 20-hour-a-week gig, she got fired for not being able to take on 30 hours because she also had a part-time job waitressing. (Fiorillo denies this, too.)

Another tidbit: In the biz, it's an unspoken rule that interns do pro bono monkey work in exchange for a chance to get published, which J-schoolers need to land jobs. (Ha, " jobs.") But at Philly Mag? "We only had one opportunity, where we'd have to come up with our own idea and then present it to our editor completely finished in perfect form, with no editing necessary," says Greenberg, who, let's face it, is probably deep-sixing any future journalistic aspirations by whining about her internship on the Internet. (There's a lesson there, kids.)

Was Greenberg's experience slave labor? Not under any legal definition. And relying on intern labor has become par for the course in this business. (Full disclosure: City Paper's interns also toil for free, compiling listings, blogging, writing, fact-checking, fetching us coffee, massaging our feet, etc.) But as magazines and newspapers become increasingly intern-dependent, it seems wrong to treat the free help so (allegedly) bitterly. And if we're really trying to be fair, maybe we should abolish a system that aids companies more than young people and penalizes those without the resources to take on an unpaid job. (Editor's note: That's really cute.)

"The internship system is based on the model of the apprentice," Greenberg told the Yale Daily News. "The apprentice had a goal in mind, which was to become the master and he would amass a lot of experience in order to progress toward that goal." But now? "You're giving free work to a company that's probably never going to hire you."

EVIL

Evan M. Lopez

If you've been paying attention to the governor's race at all — and we have, in between Earth 2 marathons — you know that lately it's devolved into a depressing contest of who hates tax increases more, featuring Democratic candidate Dan Onorato staging a ridiculous press conference in Shaler Township to highlight Republican Tom Corbett's two-decades-ago vote for some local property tax increase, which proves he is a secret Communist, and Corbett responding by pointing out that Onorato supported a booze tax in Pittsburgh a few years back, which means that he, too, hates America and apple pie.

So much for statesmanship, huh? Still, it shouldn't be asking too much to require them to at least keep their stories straight when bludgeoning each other with this taxation nonsense. To wit: Corbett can't seem to figure out what the no-new-taxes pledge he signed — and insisted that Onorato embrace, too — actually means.

Earlier this year, Corbett signed Americans for Tax Reform's " Taxpayer Protection Pledge," and told reporters that it meant he would never increase any sort of taxes or fees, ever. But then, in the summer, Corbett walked that back — now the pledge meant taxes, but not fees. Last week, in Lebanon County, Corbett said, "If you go and look at the Americans for Tax Reform, they say fees are not part of that. Do we have any intention of increasing the fees? No. OK, but fees are not part of taxes under their rules."

That's wiggle room — and it's exactly what Corbett will need should he actually have to govern this perpetually bankrupt state. Still, the fact that he had to grovel before Grover Norquist — the guy who once quipped that he wanted to drown government in a bathtub — and then backtrack when confronted with reality merits a 17 on A Million Stories' 23-point How Evil Is Tom Corbett? Barometer.

Although, both of them could do better, if you ask us.

This week's report by Jeffrey C. Billman and Holly Otterbein. E-mail us at amillionstories@citypaper.net. Get your daily fix of news, sports and commentary at The Clog, citypaper.net/clog.