NEWS

The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter


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Published: Sep 1, 2010

+1 A 20-foot-long decorative object resembling a torpedo is found at a Port Richmond construction site. Authorities are still trying to determine who is building in Port Richmond and why.

0 The Streets Department dispatches 46 employees to sift through people's garbage and fine them if they fail to recycle even a single bottle. "You show promise, young Streets Department padawan," says Parking Authority. "Join me, and together, we can rule the galaxy as father and son."

+1 A high school student who created an eBay-like site when he was 13 will use a $24,000 scholarship to go to his dream school, Drexel University. "My dreams have always been fairly mediocre," he shrugs.

0 City Council hires Bolton Partners, a firm in Boston, to examine the Boston College study on DROP released this month. And then, next month, they'll hire another firm to examine that study. And then another firm for that study. And at some point, years from now, after the city has finally gone bankrupt, City Council will admit that maybe, just maybe, DROP is a major money-suck. But then, the municipal unions will complain, and a new study about the old studies will be commissioned. And this is why all of our libraries will be closed.

0 To mark the debut of the third season of her reality show, Kendra Wilkinson signs copies of her memoir in Rittenhouse Square. "This is just the biggest menu I've ever seen," she marvels to every single person who hands her a book to sign. "I think I'll have the spinach salad."

+5 An ex-employee for the Philadelphia Housing Authority who says that executive director Carl Greene sexually harassed her expects $375,000 for a settlement, and $25,000 more for each day she doesn't get it. And then she takes out her totem and spins it on a table. And it just doesn't stop.

+3 The first of SEPTA's long-promised Silverliner V regional rail trains will begin service in October. "I know SEPTA has been a dark cloud over this city," says spokesman. "But maybe these new trains will be — what's the expression? — an unexpected good thing."

This week's total: 10 | Last week's total: -1