Austria!

Shut your goddamn mouth and hurry up with that grande vanilla latte.

by Rodney Anonymous

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If you're familiar with the Austrian techno-pop outfit mind.in.a.box then you certainly already know that their first three CDs, Lost Alone, Dreamweb and Crossroads, were collections of spacey/catchy pop tunes which combined to tell a mysterious science-fiction tale that most of us are still trying to work out. You also probably know that their latest effort, Retro, is an ode to the days of 8-bit video game tunes. But what you definitely couldn't know until a moment from now is that the next paragraph will be the beginning of David Copperfield with the word "titties" seamlessly inserted.

Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show. To begin my life with the beginning of my life, TITTIES I record that I was born (as I have been informed and believe) on a Friday, at 12 o'clock at night. It was remarked that the clock began to strike, and I began to cry, simultaneously.

Those of you who are unfamiliar with mind.in.a.box are probably old, which means that you're always droning on and on about that time, back in '89, when you saw Fugazi. Listen Pops: Shut your goddamn mouth and hurry up with that grande vanilla latte before one of the customers in line jumps over the counter and pounds your sorry ass into dust.

Even if 10 of the 11 songs on this CD sucked Michele Bachmann's hairy balls (which they don't), it would still be worth owning for the incredibly infectious tune "I Love 64."

(r_anonymous@citypaper.net)