A Million Stories

All the news we care to print.

by Jeffrey C. Billman, Holly Otterbein and Juliana Reyes

Evan M. Lopez

We know, we know: You missed us. But, jeez, can't a column take one little week off? It was Labor Day, for chrissakes. Well, we're back now. And it gives us no satisfaction to say so, but it seems Philadelphia has a serious case of the stupids. And it's one of the reasons — a big one, in fact — this city is struggling to remake itself in the 21st-century mold. The modern era of cities, as New Urbanism guru Richard Florida would say, belongs to the creative class; it is no longer the province of blue-collar types working factory jobs, but of intellectually driven industry. In other words: more brains, less brawn.

And that's what makes the following statistics so sobering: According to the Free Library of Philadelphia, 20 percent — that's one in five, for those of you who flunked math, which we presume is most of you — of the city's working-age population has " below basic levels of literacy." Half lack a sufficient enough grasp of the English language to, say, fill out a job application. No, really. Oh, and there's that nagging fact that more than 40 percent of our high school students will never graduate, and that 25 percent of the city's population lacks a high school diploma.

This is not a recipe for success, folks.

We offer you these sad facts not as a depressant, but as a prelude to this bit of applause-worthy news: Last Wednesday, Mayor Michael Nutter and Free Library President Siobhan R. Reardon announced a new literacy initiative and the reinvigoration of the Mayor's Commission on Literacy, a quarter-century old institution that languished under the Street administration, and will now be housed under the auspices of the Free Library.

The idea, Reardon tells us, is to give every interested adult the opportunity to solidify their language and computer skills, earn their GEDs and get into college, and to put people in touch with the various programs that both the Free Library and various literacy groups around the city have to offer.

"It's going to take a huge marketing effort," says Reardon; and, in fact, that will be the incoming executive director's job when he or she starts in the coming months. "No matter where you go in this city, there will be a reminder, that there are places in this city that can help you get there." (And yes, she assures, this advertising campaign will keep in mind that its target audience is comprised of "low literates.")

Bad news: This will cost money. ("Money is always an issue," Reardon states the obvious.)

Good news: It's someone else's money: None of the Commission's $6.3 million budget comes from the city, but from state and federal sources, city spokesperson Maura Kennedy says.

The Free Library has also used federal stimulus money to install " mobile tech outposts" in some of the city's disadvantaged communities, Reardon says. Here again, the goal is the same: to bring technology to those who otherwise wouldn't have it, and to develop the kinds of basic skills they need in the modern workforce.

We have no idea how big a dent these initiatives will make, if they make a dent at all; and surely, the problem is big: Many of the city's immigrants don't speak English as well as they perhaps should, and our many bastions of poverty don't feature a MacBook in every home (or a chicken in every pot, for that matter).

But at least the city is acknowledging the problem — and if the 12 steps taught us anything the second time we went through them, step one is admitting you have a problem. And yes, we have a problem.

ASSHOLES

Attention RIGHTNETWORK: Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe, you've chosen the wrong city? You're in Philadelphia, where Democrats outnumber Republicans six to one, and here you are, a right-wing "entertainment" network on Broad Street that kicked off last week on Video on Demand, Internet and mobile. Couldn't you have moved to Dallas or Juneau or something? (It's a little embarrassing for us, you know.)

But hey, maybe you like being the underdog: As your president, Kevin McFeeley, told us, "RIGHTNETWORK is for the people on the right who are underserved as far as media options go. There are a lot more entertainment choices on the left point of view."

Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin's Twitter, the Flat Earth Society's message board — these are all conservative entertainment options, no? "Fox News and things like it do news very well. But we do entertainment," says McFeeley.

Entertainment. Oh boy. So, whatcha got for us, Mr. McFeeley (heh)? Well, there's Running, a show about political newbies "trying to make a difference in their community" by running for public office; Flatbed & Ned, a sort of hipster-y, animated version of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour; and rightnetwork.com's blog, chock-full of stories about such topics as the "cult" of environmentalists who worship the "false god" Gaia.

So not "entertainment" in the sense of "shit we'd actually watch" so much as right-wing schlock for the under-35 set — a population group that, to date, hasn't come to think that gay marriage is the end of the world or universal health care is going to kill Grandma. But throw enough propaganda at them, and maybe one day we'll get a Palin administration. Shudder.

Then again, perhaps we should be happy RIGHTNETWORK (caps theirs, of course) is here in Philly, if only for one reason: jobs.

Granted, the network is only employing 16 people right now. But with Kelsey Grammer — the crotchety WASP star of Frasier, though to us he will always be the voice of Sideshow Bob — funding the whole thing, and the country being as backward as it is, this thing has at least a semi-decent shot at succeeding. And if it's going to succeed, it might as well succeed here, right?

You'd be assholes, RIGHTNETWORK — but at least you could be our assholes.

GO DO THIS

Though the man is said to have favored a tumbler of cane rum, the Joaquin Rivera Scholarship Fund Committee invites everyone to raise a glass (or two, actually) of wine to its namesake musician, counselor and community leader at "Un Vasito de Vino para Joaquín" (that's "A Glass of Wine for Joaquin" to you gringos), this Sunday at the New Palladium (229 W. Allegheny Ave.), beginning at noon.

Rivera's death last November, you'll recall, made headlines two ways: First, because after he passed away in the Atria Health Frankford Campus' waiting room, he was robbed of his watch; second, because he died in a hospital waiting room.

And yet, as galling as the circumstances of his death were, his legacy — and the scholarships that bear his name — looks to the future. Created in April, the scholarship fund awards financial aid to college-bound seniors from both Olney East and West (Rivera was a much-loved bilingual counselor at Olney High School).

The event Sunday seeks to raise money for that cause. Tickets are $10 and include two glasses of wine, Latin American food, a DJ, a silent auction (of visual art and Rivera's personal items) and live music. You can buy them either at Centro Musical (464 W. Lehigh Ave.) or at the door. See you there.

This week's report by Jeffrey C. Billman, Holly Otterbein and Juliana Reyes. E-mail us at amillionstories@citypaper.net. And get your daily fix of news, sports and commentary at the Clog, citypaper.net/clog.