A Million Stories

All the news we care to print.

by Jeffrey C. Billman, Holly Otterbein and Juliana Reyes

Thomas Pitilli

Prepare to be shocked: A Million Stories does not have any ethics policy banning its reporters from attending rallies, a la NPR. Or, for that matter, from bagging on Pat Toomey — who, by the time you read this, is probably this state's senator-elect, fucking fuck — in whatever terms we please, no matter how many of you tea-baggers throw the words "biased" or " far-left, socialist Jew media hack " (real comment on our website!) at us. You see, we believe that truth can be lost when the media bow to the altar of impartiality, and buy into the false religion that dictates that we give both sides equal merit, even if everyone knows that one of them is batshit crazy and/or factually incoherent. (Let's call this the " Sarah Palin Fallacy .")

And so, this Saturday, we trekked (on the company dime!) to Washington, D.C., for Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear . We attended the monstrous anti-war rallies in New York, D.C. and elsewhere in the early aughts — there's that bias again — and let us assure you, this was much bigger: CBS and other experts say it drew in some 215,000 . (Our favorite sign from the event: "Fox will estimate this crowd at 10.")

That's a huge deal for the left, which has been drowning in self-defeatism and cynicism for lo, these last few months. It was a gorgeous, sunny day, and the collective shedding of learned helplessness for empowerment was palpable. Signs were both pithy ("I want my tea party back!" held by a young girl) and moving (" I fought Nazis and they don't look like Obama"). People stayed true to their word to be sane: We spotted a few folks eyeing up cars to climb onto, or on the verge of raging because someone stepped on their toes — but then stopping, perhaps recalling their vow. The rally had no singular purpose or theme , sure — but in this infinitely complex age, that felt spot-on.

It wasn't without flaws: That the biggest liberal rally in recent history was organized by a television channel owned by a giant corporation is a tad unsettling. It also felt more like a show than a rally, with almost no sense of common purpose. Everyone was focused on the stage, even if they could neither see nor hear it.

But hey, it was something . Actually, it was more than something , and maybe it'll grow into something even bigger. After all, the Tea Party got its start with just a cable-news reporter's joke and a few hundred ralliers. And in the end, what happened on stage was less important than the fact that, well, this did happen: Hundreds of thousands of people — two times more than that dickbag Glenn Beck drew — found their way from all over the country to the National Mall to celebrate sanity, or perhaps, to mourn its disappearance.

Instead of climbing into the bathtub with a razor blade, dwelling on the carnage that the (presumed) GOP takeover of Congress means, perhaps we'd all do well to remember that there are more of us than there are of them; the problem is, our majority — the us — is too often silent. But hey, on the bright side: Actuarially speaking, many of them will be dead soon.

POLITICAL HACKS

We're not ashamed to say it: We've missed Michael Meehan . After this year's primaries, the Philly GOP boss didn't do all that much — and we longed for the days when he was pissing off his own congregation by challenging candidates in his own party, possibly even forging signatures to kick them off the primary ballot, and barely lifting a finger to help Republican candidates actually win elections. He's terrible for the Philly GOP, sure, but he's such good story fodder.

But like cicadas emerge every 17 years, Meehan materializes every election cycle — probably from a beef-and-beer vomitorium in the Northeast — to shed his shell. His latest shenanigan: On Election Day, the Republican City Committee (RCC) — for which he's "legal counsel" — distributed sample ballots urging Republicans to vote "yes" on all four Democratic-proposed ballot initiatives . One would require that city contractors pay their employees 150 percent of the minimum wage (or $10.88 per hour); another would enable the city to borrow $106 million for capital projects. Not the most Randian ideas, right?

According to Kevin Kelly , a Republican committee person in the Fifth Ward, Meehan and co. didn't take a vote from RCC members about the ballots. Asked to confirm, Meehan puppet/RCC chairman Vito Canuso replied, "Why do you think you have the right to know?" We'll take that as a yes.

"They've abandoned any and all pretense of leadership by consent of the majority — or representing the interests of Philadelphia Republicans," says Kelly. "These ballots go against the stated positions of many of our candidates and may, in fact, hurt their credibility and chances for success." (This publication goes to print on Election Day, so we can't tell you whether these initiatives passed.)

Why should you care, you tree-hugging, bleeding-heart, City Paper -reading Democrat? Well, the Philly GOP controls 500 jobs at the Philadelphia Parking Authority — and Meehan routinely doles out favors to city Dems in order to retain this power. These negotiations eliminate any real competition between the two parties —something that could help repair Philly's corrupt Democratic machine , if only because a competent rival would lead to better candidates. Without it, we get, well, the mess we have now.

NEGOTIATIONS

Our last visit with the Philadelphia Security Officers Union (PSOU) left off with a slurry of cliffhangers [A Million Stories, Oct. 21, 2010]: Will the guards' union win their next election? Will they be able to get the (allegedly) unfairly fired guards their jobs back? Will AlliedBarton give its guards at the Philadelphia Museum of Art a halfway decent raise?

We can't answer that last one just yet — maybe soon, as Allied-Barton and PSOU were in negotiations at press time — but we can give you the scoop on the rest of PSOU's latest activities. And get this: It's looking good for those guys.

PSOU won their Roman Sentry election on Oct. 28, meaning there's only one more Art Museum security company that's not part of the union ( Scotland Yard ). The union also got two fired guards their jobs back; they're still fighting to get pro-union organizer Juanita Love — who was canned for allegedly abandoning her post, though she says she was punished for her outspokenness — reinstated.

PSOU will be launching a new campaign on her behalf: " Fighting for Love ," which is, um, cute for union guys.

On the other side of the city, PSOU complained to the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB) that, right around union election time (coincidence!), the management at the Delaware River Waterfront Corporation (DRWC) slashed guards' schedules and changed their shifts, which campaign director Fabricio Rodriguez calls "union busting." (DRWC denies any wrongdoing.) The union won its election, any­way — DWRC says it "respects the decision" — and now, its complaint is headed toward a hearing before an administrative law judge.

Talk about sticking it to the man.

This week's report by Jeffrey C. Billman, Holly Otterbein and Juliana Reyes. E-mail us at amillionstories@citypaper.net. And get your daily fix of news, sports and commentary on The Clog, citypaper.net/clog.