The Bell Curve

CP's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[+1] School District Superintendent Arlene Ackerman and Mayor Michael Nutter will lead a blue-ribbon commission on safe schools. "I say we commission an expensive report, blame it on race and sweep it under the rug," says Ackerman. "On the contrary, I say we commission an expensive report, blame it on the economy and sweep it under the rug," says Nutter.

[-3] The School District's new system for tracking job applicants costs $1.1 million, more than twice as much as proposals from other bidders. That's some blue ribbon shit right there.

[0] Sam Katz, a former Nutter supporter, announces that he will not run for mayor in 2011. Also he will wait for Skyline to come out on DVD.

[0] A Philly police officer alleged to have been "on duty, in uniform and operating a patrol car while he was intoxicated" could be fired. "I'm always telling the guys: Pick two and that's it," says Commissioner Ramsey.

[+6] After two years of construction, the new South Street Bridge reopens. Just kidding haha lookit all those people flop-ping around in the water.

[+3] The Philadelphia Museum of Art breaks ground on an 80,000-square-foot Frank Gehry-designed underground expansion project. "Oooh," say mole men, "post-structuralism!"

[+2] Pat Gillick, the architect of the Phillies 2008 World Series champions, is named a candidate for the Baseball Hall of Fame. "If inducted, I will trade my plaque for Freddy Garcia."

[+4] The ACLU of Pennsylvania sues the police department over its "stop and frisk" policy, which allegedly targets blacks and produces few arrests. "Uh, if it produced more arrests, would you drop the case?" ask police.

[-4] Fallen leaves on the tracks make it difficult for SEPTA trains to run on time. Currently under way: $1 billion project to move tracks out from underneath leaves.

This week's total: 9 | Last week's total: 7