The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[-2] The Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board gives Foxwoods Casino investors yet another chance to defend their license — but the board warns it's the last time. "Free drink?" asks Foxwoods.

[-5] City Council President Anna Verna says the consultants studying DROP are too busy to meet with her, ensuring that any changes to the program likely won't happen this year. "I have no clout with these guys," says Verna. "Consultants. Am I right, people?"

[-1] Gov.-elect Tom Corbett will attend the Pennsylvania Society dinner this December, where one-third of the attendees hold million-dollar state contracts. And the other two-thirds hope to.

[0] West Chester's county commissioners vote to regain control over the courthouse's holiday displays, which allowed atheists' signs without question. We're gonna miss the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the manger.

[0] Come January, Gov. Ed Rendell will drive a car for the first time in almost 30 years. "Now where did I park my Duster?"

[+1] A state commission approves regulations on Marcellus Shale drilling requiring companies to disclose the chemicals they use. "Bullshit," coughs drillers.

[+3] A time capsule near the Spectrum is opened during its demolition. And out pops Orest Kindrachuk, good as new.

[-1] An animal-rights group files a lawsuit over the alleged mistreatment of elephants at the Philadelphia Zoo. "WACH MEE PIK UP PENUT WIF MY NOSE," says star witness Dulary. "WACH MEE GO PEE FOR LIK 15 MINUTS IN A RO. HAY ANYBUDDY WANT MY TUKSKS? COM GET EM!!!"

[+1] For a Center City store opening, Mayor Michael Nutter covers "Rappers Delight" with DJ Jazzy Jeff. And you know the party's over when the mayor's doing the Carlton.

[+1] The SS United States preservation group offers to move the ship near the proposed site of Foxwoods Casino, and fill it with gaming floors, restaurants and a museum. And ghosts. So many ghosts.