The Bell Curve

CP's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[0] If the Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board revokes Foxwoods' license, preservationists hope new investors will open a casino on the SS United States. Because preservation can mean whatever you dream it to mean.

[-2] The state's secretary of education questions Superintendent Arlene Ackerman about the no-bid contracts given to a firm for security cameras. Ackerman convenes a Gold Ribbon panel to answer those questions.

[-3] More than 20 workers at a state liquor warehouse in South Philly lose their jobs over "financial irregularities." Also all these bottles are full of pee.

[+4] Police receive 61 firearms in a "turn-in-your-gun" event in Point Breeze. "We figured we'd set a good example by turning ours in first," says police spokesman. "So yeah, that's how we all ended up cuffed to this chain-link fence in our grundies."

[+1] Mayor Michael Nutter raises funds to send two youth football teams to the national championships in Florida. "Just don't lose," says mayor. "If you lose, you cannot come back to Philadelphia."

[+3] A reverend tells a St. Joseph's University congregation that "the church has acted like a lazy monopoly." "I mean, we've owned Atlantic, Ventnor and Marvin Gardens for five turns and haven't even built a house yet."

[-1] Police arrest five scam artists who persuade people to buy black paper that they claim is dyed money, along with a dye remover. We'd think this was funny if we weren't being paid in black paper right now.

[+3] The Preston & Steve morning show collects 527,285 pounds of food for the hungry, the most in the 13 years since the drive started. And all next week they'll begin pelting homeless-looking people with it.

[0] Six Flyers players don beards for a Verizon commercial. And little Danny Briere is gets to say action and clack the clacky thing.

[+2] Stu Bykofsky receives an airport pat-down. From Dan Gross. Every morning.

This week's total: 7 | Last week's total: 14