The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[0] The Friends of the Barnes Foundation continue to hold protests against the museum's move. "You know what else we're against?" ask the activists. "Windmills."

[-1] A police arbitrator overturns the suspension of a cop who, at the request of the Hells Angels, ran an undercover police officer's license plate. Bell Curve gives up.

[0] More than a million Pennsylvanians buy Mega Millions tickets, hoping for $330 million payout. The Bell Curve staff expects to be rich soon, so consider this the last Bell Curve. The last funny one, anyway.

[-3] The state's $5 billion budget deficit will be the biggest challenge for the new legislature and governor. If only there were some burgeoning industry in the state we could levy a small tariff on. If only. If only.

[0] Mummers tell Inquirer their secrets to urinating while in costume, from hoses to Depends to group-peeing in circular formations. Bell Curve gives up again.

[-5] An ex-employee of the Philadelphia Housing Authority files a lawsuit alleging that he lost his job after criticizing the agency's waste. This seems highly likely.

[+2] Several state senators opt to not take this month's automatic 1.7 percent pay raise. Bucket, meet drop.

[+1] Incoming Gov. Corbett says he'll donate his raise to charity. Namely, the Coalition To Drill The Shit Out Of Rural Pennsylvania.

[+5] Gov. Rendell nominates Barbara Deeley to become Philly's first female sheriff. We look forward to reading about your harassment lawsuit.

[+1] "Philadelphia needs something sexy, and maybe I am the one to give it to them," says Georges Perrier about his plans to renovate Le Bec-Fin's basement. Pretty sure Heidnik said the same thing.

[+3] The Official Jersey Shore Parody, a locally produced porno, is up for an Adult Video News award. Surprisingly, fewer J-Plows, Sticky Situations and Ooky Snookies than the original.