The Bell Curve

CP's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ +3 ] The Philadelphia Police Department plans to hire new recruits, improve the way applicants are screened, and move to a new, free location. "OK, done," says genie. "You know, most people wish for more wishes."

[ +1 ] A former gangsta rapper who once filed suit against the Philadelphia Police Department for brutality becomes a police officer himself. And just the other day, as he rained blows upon some kid with hip-hop dreams of his own, the cop had to smile. Will the circle be unbroken?

[ -1 ] Stu Bykofsky gets a Facebook account and writes about how much he dislikes it. "I much prefer my anthropodermic bibliopegy collection," he writes. "There's no substitute for the binding power of real human faces. What? Well look it up, then. Kids today."

[ -4 ] A critic of the Philadelphia School District's restructuring plan is sent to "teacher jail." Also known as South Philly High.

[ 0 ] A state representative plans to introduce a bill that would make it illegal for superintendents to make more money than the governor. "Hope you guys like 'teacher jail,'" says Arlene Ackerman. "Watch out for the chalk shivs."

[ -3 ] A Cherry Hill schools official writes an e-mail referring to unnamed Public Works employees as "gorillas," which some say is racist. And which racists say is funny.

[ -2 ] Residents say the burned-out Windermere Court building is melting. So we race over there and it turns out they just mean it's falling apart.

[ -1 ] Some local doctors are opening membership-based practices. And what do you know? Club members are walking out with better butts than they went in with.

[ -2 ]  A lawsuit against the Philadelphia Housing Authority regarding home heating subsidies has languished for 14 years. Congrats, PHA: It must feel good to make some regular old bureaucratic-shame headlines again.