A plane flying from Allentown to Philadelphia is forced to land without its nose gear. "Something went terribly wrong in Allentown," explains pilot, "60 years ago." Minus 1
Nutter announces that the city's finances are worse off than the previously projected $1 billion deficit. "Let me put it to you this way," says Nutter. "It's like if you thought you had $20 in your piggy bank, but when you got home it turned out that someone had shot your dog." Minus 5
The South Street bridge, which engineers called "structurally insufficient" two decades ago, closes for demolition. UPenn Stasi issues shoot-to-kill orders to border guards dealing with defectors. Plus 2
A handwritten deed from 1907 says that once the city stops using the Holmesburg Library for that purpose, the title will default to the Lower Dublin Academy, the original trustees. Hey wait, it's written on a Dave & Busters cocktail napkin. Even
The Archdiocese of Philadelphia is set to induct six graduates of Catholic schools into the Archdiocesan Hall of Fame. Or seven, if somebody else graduates. Plus 1
President Bush's last visit to Philadelphia in his current capacity involves unveiling his portrait at the Union League and watching the Army-Navy game. On a hunch, he orders the Army to blitz without provocation, killing thousands. Minus 2
The mayor's office begins laying off municipal workers, but the number who lose their job is less than expected. "We accidentally laid off the lay-off guy too soon. Give us a sec." Plus 2
Nutter names four dozen arts and cultural leaders to the Mayor's Cultural Advisory Council. Wait. That's all of them. It's a trap! Plus 1
Total Pluses: 6
Total Minuses: 8
Total for the Week: -2
Last Week's Total: -17