-1 A Center City Art Institute dorm is evacuated due to dangerously high levels of carbon monoxide. In Kevin's bong.
+2 PPL Corp., an Allentown energy company, will most likely have the naming rights to the new Philadelphia Union stadium. Congratulations, Union. You now play in the Pee Pee Bowl.
0 Animal activists worry that the Eagles will stop supporting animal rights if Michael Vick leaves the team. Marking the most extreme instance of wanting it both ways since Debbie Does Dallas.
-3 Police arrest a Northeast man after he set a puppy on fire. "Can he run a wildcat offense?" ask local animal activists.
-1 Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow and predicts six more weeks of winter. Meanwhile, his cousin Gus predicts poor people will keep throwing their money at him, one dollar at a time.
+2 The bricklayers unions back Joe Sestak for Senate, rather than incumbent Arlen Specter. Good get on the endorsement, Joe, but a little on the nose, analogically speaking, no?
-2 A flight to North Carolina is delayed 90 minutes after a "nonspecific threat" was phoned in to a Southwest employee. "All I said was there will be six more weeks of winter," says Phil. "It doesn't even matter."
-3 City health inspectors find asbestos in a Philadelphia Housing Authority unit. "You actually live here?" shocked inspectors ask asbestos.
-1 A retired store owner who takes disadvantaged kids on college road trips says the school district imposed new regulations on him which will prevent him from taking his sojourn. For instance, they want to know who he is. And where he's taking their kids.
+2 Former The Price is Right host Bob Barker donates $1 million to animal rights activists to help stop pigeon shoots in the area. Which is all well and good until the flying rats start playing Plinko on your windshield.
0 Power 99's Diamond Kuts is the new official DJ of the 76ers. And their second leading rebounder. Sadtrombone.com.
This week's total: -5
Last week's total: +1