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drink up
In her latest memoir, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang (Grand Central), Chelsea Handler rips her aging father a new asshole, admits to having a raging fart problem and paints a much-too-graphic image of her early foray into the world of obsessive masturbation (don't judge, you know you've been there). These are the types of potty-humored antics to expect when she wheels her coslopus ( that's Chelsea's vag, for the uninitiated) into Upper Darby to perform two standup acts with her favorite Asian, Jo Koy. If her skyrocketing ticket prices are beyond your budget, you can opt to see her for the sum of zilch at the Free Library Festival (see Mandy Bee's preview, above) on Sat., April 17, at 4 p.m., where she'll be signing her best-selling book and probably throwing back a few vodka martinis for good measure.
Sat., April, 17, 8 and 10:30 p.m., $55-$85, Tower Theatre, 19 S. 69th St., 610-352-2887, livenation.com.