Philadelphia City Paper :: Fine Print http://archives.citypaper.net/rss.php?cid=26 <![CDATA[Fine Print: The Gun-Loving Left]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2009/10/01/the-gun-loving-left http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2009/10/01/the-gun-loving-left The practice of toting loaded firearms in public tends to be associated — recently, at least — with the political right. Indeed, it was a point of contention among even his closest friends when Martin Droll, 20-year-old data entrist and co-founder of the small Philly-based leftist People's Revolutionary Party, announced that he'd be bringing his AK-47 rifle to the G20 summit in Pittsburgh last weekend.

He wouldn't use it; he'd just exercise his right to openly carry a fully loaded assault weapon. It would, he said, demonstrate his willingness to "resist the armed attacks by the police and state."

Droll's comrades — who had planned to travel to Pittsburgh with him — were less-than-wowed by the idea. It could get him, not to mention them, in trouble, they pointed out.

"I can't be arrested for it for sure. They might come up with some excuse to detain me," Droll countered, "and in that case I can sue the police department of Pittsburgh. ... I'm sure the NRA would even cover my case."

To bolster his argument, Droll had assembled legal documents — or, rather, a few court cases and a Pennsylvania Gun Owners Association flier. Still, most of his fellow protesters remained unconvinced — "What does paperwork do when you get shot in the face?" demanded one.

Finally, Droll's friends told him that he'd have to leave the gun or get another ride. He opted for the latter, hitching a ride with "Bill" — a friend of a friend. "I think it would be morally wrong for me not to bring a gun," Droll explained on the drive up.

But for all that, on the opening day of the economic summit, Droll — citing an overcast sky — opted not to not bring the rifle to Thursday's un-permitted march in Pittsburgh's Arsenal Park: He didn't want to risk his gun rusting, he said.

<![CDATA[Fine Print: Still in the Mix]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/11/20/still-in-the-mix http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/11/20/still-in-the-mix Ray Timmons has always liked to mix it up. Back in the '80s, he was the only black member of a Philadelphia rock band, the Urge, in which he played bass.

"At that time a lot of black guys were playing the R&B stuff — the funk and that kind of thing," recalls Ray. "The white kids were playing the rock, and you had a few mixed groups that was like the middle of the road. I kind of grew up with all music — so I have a general love for everything." 

As the glorious '80s came to an end, he quit the band scene, cultivating his musical craft on his lonesome — until he discovered karaoke. The big revelation came one night when he and his wife, Marci, were hosting a party at their house, and a relative brought over a karaoke machine and left it.

"For the next six months, we started buying more discs and everybody was coming over and doing karaoke," Ray says, "so I started building a library."

About two months ago, Ray and Marci took their party to the Queen of Sheba Ethiopian restaurant and bar at 45th and Baltimore; they've been hosting karaoke every Thursday night since. The event is free, fun, ridiculously homey and — in the tradition of Ray's own musical upbringing — diverse. Black, white, Ethiopian, whatever — the mic is there for all who choose to sing into it.

"Society is what it is. You have black people who only grew up around black people, white people who grew up only around white people, Latinos who only grew up around Latinos," says Ray. "But it's nice that here in University City you have a place where people can get together and have a good time."

Ray and Marci host karaoke every Thursday, 9 p.m. until close, at Queen of Sheba Pub II, 4511 Baltimore Ave., 215-382-2099.

...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: The Riot Act]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/11/06/the-riot-act http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/11/06/the-riot-act By the time this paper comes off the stands, it will be eight days since the Phillies won the World Series, the night where, appropriately, my boss, Doron, and I exchanged text messages about the "riots" on our fair streets.

The next day at work, one of our star interns asked why this kind of stuff happens. Turns out his bike got crushed in the onslaught of the evening. (He parked it on 13th Street. Oops. His name is Andrew Thompson. Check out his amazing pics on The Clog.) My answer was, "If you don't get it, you don't get it." He said, "I don't get it."

Yeah, some truly idiotic things happened during those "riots." Like the four or five guys fighting at Broad and Shunk streets over nothing in particular. The crowd responded by throwing bottles at them.

Or the fella who walked from Broad and McKean down to Oregon Avenue, slamming a metal serving spoon on every two-hour parking sign along the way. He seemed to be having a great drunken time obliterating everyone else's eardrums.

Or the dudes who lit their shirts on fire.

I didn't really mind all this. In fact, it wasn't the all-out bedlam I'd expected.

See, there were also police officers and clear-minded civilians who made sure those fires got stamped out.

And after the guy with the spoon realized that he had grotesquely bent a street sign, he actually turned around and began hammering it back into place.

And, my favorite moment of all: While people threw bottles at the fight, right outside Grasso Funeral Home, a young woman tapped me on the shoulder. She was holding three empty beer bottles. "Do you guys know where the trash receptacle is?" she asked, as people rushed away from the brawl.

What I meant by "if you don't get it, you don't get it" was this: This is how we celebrate. It's messy, it's dangerous and hours later, it's sometimes embarrassing. Things surely would have been a bit more polite if we were celebrating in, oh, Green Bay. Or Tampa Bay, for tha...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: To the Nines]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/10/30/to-the-nines http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/10/30/to-the-nines Walking into Ballroom D of the Pennsylvania Convention Center last Saturday for the second annual Inquirer National Sudoku Championship was like flipping to a PBS special about a remote undiscovered culture — though admittedly, not as interesting. Still, the scene was something to behold: Hundreds of Sudoku players lined up on tables, quiet but eager to see how their skills stacked up against competitors from across the country and abroad. "You never know until you try," said local Lance Noble, after the first of three preliminary rounds.

The majority of the competitors sat in the beginner and intermediate sections. In the smaller advanced section, the tables were adorned with regal red tablecloths. Pencils were used across the board, no one being so bold as to think they could solve a puzzle without a few missteps.

Behind each section were the designated "Sudoku Spectator Sections," where friends and family could show their support by sitting patiently and quietly as each round was under way. No cheering or booing — that would've broken everyone's competitive concentration. There were a few homemade signs, though. "Go Bob!" read one. "Solve First Chris" read another.

The whoops and woos would have to wait until the final rounds, where the top three players from each skill level competed against one another on oversize Sudoku boards. And while it was hard to keep track of each competitor's progress as they raced to complete the 81-square grid, it was easy to tell when someone had won: That was marked by a quick and jubilant fist pump, accompanied by a wide smile.

(aaron.moselle@citypaper.net)

...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: Fishing for Compliments]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/06/12/fishing-for-compliments http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/06/12/fishing-for-compliments

(CLICK IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION)

This week the Academy of Natural Sciences announced that Frank Gallagher, who worked in their mailroom for 37 years before retiring in 2003, would get a species of catfish named after him. Rhinodoras gallagheri (aka the Orinoco thicklip catfish) is a night swimmer found in Venezuela and Colombia. The honor was bestowed by the Academy's Dr. Mark Sabaj Pérez, who, as part of a team questing to catalog all catfish, already has two named after him. We got him on the hook for a couple of quick questions.

City Paper: What makes this catfish special?

Dr. Mark Sabaj Pérez: Well, for starters, it has a row of thorny scutes along its side, which places this catfish in the family Doradidae. Secondly, it has extremely thick, fleshy lips and a mottled color pattern, placing it in the genus Rhinodoras. Finally, its thorny scutes are relatively shallow and symmetrical and its swim bladder is singular, lacking a secondary bladder, making it unique among Rhinodoras.

CP: Does this fish remind you of Frank?

MSP: Well, the new catfish is pretty secretive, which certainly describes Frank in his retirement. His catfish likes to hide in cavernous rocks or submerged hollow logs, whereas Frank now likes to hide in his garden or the jazz aisles of used record stores. On the job, Frank could certainly be a thorny cat when it came to arguing politics and religion — something we did often and respectfully on breaks in my office or his mailroom.

CP: This fish does not appear to have eyes — is this a comment on Frank's ability to sort mail?

MSP: Hah, but this catfish does have eyes! Albeit small ones. It lives ...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: Berserker's Holiday]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/06/05/berserkers-holiday http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/06/05/berserkers-holiday The lawn outside the American Swedish Historical Museum in South Philadelphia looked like a scene from another century. On one side, three men wielding spears and shields demonstrated Viking battles. Not far away, a woman displayed traditional Viking cookwear. In the distance, a large ship with huge sails was visible through the downpour.

Despite the rainy weather, the ASHM's "Viking Day" — a tradition at the museum — drew a considerable crowd. Children and adults huddled under umbrellas to watch the men joust on the lawn in strange-looking costumes and asked questions about Viking lifestyle.

According to the museum's PR coordinator, Tricia Davies, this event was geared toward all kinds of people. "I think a lot of people here know a lot about the Vikings, but a lot are just families interested in learning more," she said.

Inside the museum, children listened to Viking sagas, wrote their names in the Viking alphabet and tried on traditional Viking clothing. I sat down at a table with Ken Foley and his grandson, Tyler. They were playing hnefatafl, a Viking version of chess involving different-colored stones on a grid board. Foley and his wife are members at the museum, and brought their grandchildren so they could learn about their family's history, he said.

As the event came to a close, I spoke to one of the men in traditional Viking garb named Bruce. He said he first realized his love for the Vikings — and Viking ships, of which his company now owns two — after seeing the 1958 movie The Vikings at age 9.

"When I saw the ships sailing across the fjords, I thought, 'I'd like to do that someday,'" he said as he began putting away the chain-mail shirt and metal helmets on display outside. "And now we do."

...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: Flyers vs. Penguins Retroactive Drinking Game]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/05/15/flyers-vs-penguins-retroactive-drinking-game http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/05/15/flyers-vs-penguins-retroactive-drinking-game

Well, the Flyers are down three games to none in the Eastern Conference Finals. Those freaking Penguins, man. I need a drink. Not to drown my sorrows but to fuel my delusion. I'm just one bender away from convincing myself that Mike Richards and pals can pull off the upset of all upsets in this so-called Pennsylvania Cold War (ugh, so dorky). Who's with me? You are. Grab a bottle. Now, this drinking game starts before the puck drops tonight. So start replaying the entire series in your mind. And drink if:

• One of our top defensemen gets injured in a ridonkulous way that makes you think God is a douche.

• Derian Hatcher gets called for a bullshit penalty that makes you so mad.

• Stupid Sidney Crosby shows his stupid fucking face.

• Simon Gagne remains injured.

• Steve Downie learns a valuable lesson on what not to do.

• Somebody dumps and nobody chases.

• You remember the time a young Vinny Prospal looked like the missing piece to a Flyers Cup run until Chris Therien broke the kid's arm in practice. Thanks again, Bundy.

• Closed captioning hears "R.J. Umberger" but types "Archie Hamburger."

• You hear "Orpik" and think "War Pigs."

• Some bland Versus announcer starts basically sucking Evgeni Malkin's sack just for making a pass.

• Mike Richards wills a goal out of thin air.

• You realize that if Malkin and Crosby are the new Jagr and Lemieux, then Marc Andre Fleury is Tom Barrasso — the eh goalie who just happened to be there. ...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: What Madness Is This?]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/04/24/what-madness-is-this http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/04/24/what-madness-is-this

Casino-Free Philadelphia organizer Daniel Hunter has seen how longtime allies can turn into enemies.

"One of the things about political players is that they frequently have these fallings out," he says. "That's what happens in the political world when you're so involved in deal-making. One of the things that's so nice about Casino-Free and Spiral Q [Puppet Theater] is that we don't make deals. Spiral Q and Casino-Free are true lovers that won't have that duking it out at some point."

But the two civic-minded groups did make one deal. With each other. To be the co-champions of City Paper's online Philly Madness tournament, rather than battle it out in the finals.

It helps that the two organizations aren't exactly strangers.

A few weeks ago, while planning to tout their new report on an estimated $52 million in "hidden" casino costs, CFP realized they needed something more than a dollar amount to get Gov. Ed Rendell's attention during their April 10 "debate-in" at his downtown office.

Naturally, they decided on a giant papier-mâché bust of his head.

Their go-to group for the job, of course, was Spiral Q, whose mission, among others, is to help bring visibility to the work of social activists through the use of giant puppets and props.

But before stopping by Spiral Q's headquarters to pick up the Rendell head a few days before the protest, Hunter realized something potentially awkward. The two groups, who have a history of collaboration — Spiral Q lent larger-than-life magnifying glasses to CFP for its transparency campaign in 2006 — and who consider themselves sister organizations, had a very good chance of meeting in the finals of Philly Madness. If history was any indication, the matchup could get messy.

"At first, I joked that we were going to nail them," says Hunter, recalling how he was later chastised by a fellow staffer: "'You...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: I Can't Get Mad at You]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/04/17/i-cant-get-mad-at-you http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/04/17/i-cant-get-mad-at-you

After seven weeks of pitting local entities against each other like gerbils in a jar, we were all set for a gloriously bloody finale to our annual Philly Madness tournament. And we liked the Habitrail of Hell that was to be its climax: Spiral Q and its merry band of puppets versus Casino Free Philly's legion of chanting activists. Then we got the following letter, which convinced us that the time for peace was now.

To: City Paper

From: Casino Free Philadelphia and Spiral Q Puppet Theater

Subject: Philly Madness 

Casino Free Philadelphia and Spiral Q are teaming up to write their first joint letter for a single purpose: to ask the Madness to end and a crowning of two champions.

In the spirit of truth, democracy and for our city, we believe that the madness has got to stop. Casino Free Philadelphia had enough concern about defeating Michael Nutter, but to take on our sister organization Spiral Q would simply be too painful. Spiral Q's cinderella rise over great Philadelphia institutions is understandable — but to go up against Casino Free Philadelphia is like eating our own young.

We therefore ask for City Paper to stop Philly Madness here — with two winners. Enough blood has already been spilled. (Need we remind you about [last year's] Mummers flap?)

Casino Free Philadelphia adds: We are not sorry that we kicked SugarHouse in a TKO — but we are sorry about having to take out Michael Nutter.

Spiral Q adds: We want to give a shout-out to our printmaking posse at Studio 1026. Mad props and much love to the rest of our fearless competitors, whose work we believe in so strongly — we'll see you soon at a parade around town!

Thank you, from the bottom of our puppet-making, casino-eliminating and democracy-producing hearts.

 

...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: Final Fourtification]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/04/10/final-fourtification http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/04/10/final-fourtification

Round Four of this year's Philly Madness is over and wow, what a bloodbath. Casino Free Philly vetoes Nutter! Reading Terminal burns Chickie's and Pete's in the open market! Free Library throws the book at Fringe Fest! And Spiral Q marches all over the Philly International Cycling Championship in a good old-fashioned street fight. Trying to make sense of it all are CP's IM-ing bracketologists:

Patrick Rapa: I have a theory as to why Casino Free Philly was able to defeat Mayor Nutter so handily.

Nick Norlen: Explain.

PR: Well, I did the Mayor's Community Service Fantasy Camp thing on Saturday. Got up early. Put on some work gloves and got down in the mud along the train tracks by the Schuylkill bike path.

PR: For hours I climbed up the hill and yanked rotting clothes and stinky plastic bags out of the muck.

PR: And I found awful things. Unspeakable things.

PR: And I couldn't help but think — Casino Free Philly would never make me do this.

NN: Aha. Well, strangely, I spent my Saturday at a casino.

PR: Really?

NN: No. So. It makes sense that Nutter's run came to an end at the hands of a civic group. Rather than, say, a street or a building.

PR: Yeah, I get the feeling this is how he'd want to go out.

NN: Maybe this is how he planned it all along.

PR: It's like when Obi Wan just turned off the lightsaber and said, basically, I'm ready to fight in another realm.

NN: Exactly. I can picture Nutter in that robe. In hologram form.

NN: To the matchup informally known as the food fight: Reading Terminal Market upsets the ever-popular Chickie's and Pete's.

PR: Maybe we should have looked at it like it was an actual food fight. There's a larger and more var...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: Hard Eights]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/04/03/hard-eights http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/04/03/hard-eights

The Philly Madness field has been halved and halved and halved again, and here we are down to one utterly unexpected Elite Eight. Take a look at the full bracket on p. 15. We've got a mayor versus a civic group. A restaurant versus a food market. An arts festival versus a library. And puppets versus a bike race. What the hell is going on here? Time once again for CP's self-made bracketologists to get on IM and break it down.

Patrick Rapa: Spiral Q taking on the Philly International Cycling Championship — that's a good old-fashioned street rumble.

Nick Norlen: Rocky V-style.

PR: Exactly.

NN: The question is: Which one's Tommy Gunn?

PR: Well, if I remember correctly, Tommy was a puppet for that Don King wannabe character, so ...

NN: Place your bets accordingly, people.

NN: Fringe against the Free Library. The outsiders against the institution. Will there be impromptu protest plays? Book burnings? Hasty collection of overdue fees? All three at once ending with a song and dance? And then librarians shushing everyone?

PR: I see the Fringe as the insurgency, funded by shady sources and sleeper cells in basements and back rooms all over town. And the other side might expect to be treated as librarianiberators. I don't think I'm making sense.



HALF OFF DEPOT
Why live life at full price?

NN: I was making Rocky references. You're making Iraqi references. It works.

NN: As for Chickie's and Pete's, and Reading Terminal Market, I have two words for you: Food. Fight.

PR: Adamantium chicken fingers against ...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: Upset City]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/03/27/upset-city http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/03/27/upset-city

So long, Mike Schmidt. Hasta luego, Dan Gross. Jimmy Rollins: Yer out! Round Two of City Paper's fun-for-boys-and-girls Philly Madness bracket (citypaper.net/phillymadness) saw several top seeds ousted. Round Three is in full swing through Sunday night. Let the IM bracketology commence.

Nick Norlen: So we're down to 16. Some are sweeter than others.

Brian Howard: There were surprises.

Nick Norlen: Spiral Q Puppet Theater over Mike Schmidt? Do we have a Cinderella on our hands? (Literally?)

Brian Howard: What do you make of Comcast besting Tim and Eric? What does this say about our readership?

Nick Norlen: Our readership ... or our ISP?

Nick Norlen: How are you feeling about J-Roll's loss to the Eastern State Penitentiary?

Brian Howard: I believed J-Roll to be the entity to beat. (Baseball-is-boring joke in 3, 2, 1 ...)

Nick Norlen: I think it just goes to show that even uninhabited prisons are more interesting than baseball.

Brian Howard: I think Nutter vs. The Curse of William Penn is a bellwether matchup for sure: New Philadelphia vs. old Negadelphia. Our better angels vs. our worst. What would happen if the curse ... won? The whole thing?

Nick Norlen: These are the questions we have to grapple with during Philly Madness. So, please, vote responsibly. And try not to create any rifts in the space-time continuum.

Nick Norlen: Three of my final four are still riding strong: Harry Kalas, the Fringe Festival and Casino Free Philadelphia.

Brian Howard: I've got Nutter vs. Kalas in the west bracket finals and Fringe vs. Bike Race in the east.

Nick...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: Don't Go Away Mad]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/03/20/dont-go-away-mad http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/03/20/dont-go-away-mad

OK, Round One of our annual Philly Madness online tournament — wherein we pit people against institutions against abstract entities — is all done, and man, what a bloodbath. Merrill Reese, the Italian Market and Space 1026 are all dead to us. Dan Gross, Comcast and the Curse of Billy Penn live on. It's a mess, yes, but there's still time to get your opinion clicked for Round Two. Go to citypaper.net/phillymadness. Meantime, CP's self-taught bracketologists break it down via IM:

Nick Norlen: In like a lamb, out like a lion, Pat. There were some real sleepers that turned into barnburners at the end. Man Man got axed at the last minute by fellow bizarros Tim and Eric.

Patrick Rapa: By a mere two votes! And who could have predicted LuAnn Cahn would edge out Alycia Lane?

Nick Norlen: That was among the most shocking. That quadrant of my personal bracket is in tatters. I had Wing Bowl in the finals. And it choked!

Patrick Rapa: All those chickens died for nothing.

Nick Norlen: Maybe they can use the feathers at the Fringe, which bested some decent competition from the Film Festival. We had some real comebacks here. Old City First Fridays came from behind to beat XPN's Free at Noon Concerts. Is Lori Hill a hacker?

Patrick Rapa: I think she's in Anonymous. Say, it looks like retirement was a popular move for Vince Fumo. He and Joey Vento were neck and neck a week ago. Vince ended up winning by 76 votes.

Nick Norlen: There were some real blowouts, too. People love the Free Library.

Patrick Rapa: Yeah, maybe the Mint would have done better if it had, like, a front door. And something to do once you get inside. Or maybe it's just the word "free." I'd vote for a place called Free Mint.

Nick Norlen: Maybe next year. Speaking of Free, how bout CasinoFreePhiladelphia? A resounding victory over SugarHouse. I think they have what it takes to go all the way.

Patrick Rapa: Who are they up against in Round Two?

Nick Norlen: Jerry Robbins. He dominated in Round One against Steven...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: Let the Madness Begin]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/03/13/let-the-madness-begin http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/03/13/let-the-madness-begin We're only halfway through the first round in this year's Philly Madness online tournament, and already people/institutions/abstract entities are at each other's throats. There's still time to make your clicks heard; go to citypaper.net/phillymadness. Here to analyze the data so far are armchair bracketologists Nick Norlen and Patrick Rapa:

Patrick Rapa: Just looking at Game 1, Michael Nutter vs. Olivia Nutter, I've got a headline for you: The Mayor Beats His Daughter.

Nick Norlen: It's unfortunate, but these things happen in Philly Madness.

Patrick Rapa: He's got 81 percent of the vote right now. Have the people forgotten those adorable campaign ads already?

Nick Norlen: Philadelphia has turned on precociousness. It now likes goatees and budgets. And it apparently does hate Steven Singer.

Patrick Rapa: It might just be pro-diamonds-in-beards. Good for you, Jerry Robbins. How's that Mütter vs. Eastern State vs. Poe House three-way match-up going?

Nick Norlen: Right now, the city's love for prisons is edging out its affection for abnormal medical specimens, which are both edging out the guy who wrote about prisons and abnormal medical specimens.

Patrick Rapa: Also close: Vento vs. Fumo.

Nick Norlen: One of my favorites. It's really about what people love more: xenophobia or alleged impropriety with taxpayer money. And both are Philly favorites, so it should go down to the wire.

Nick Norlen: And who knew that the cycling championship would pose such a challenge for the Wing Bowl?

Patrick Rapa: Maybe first-time longtime Roy from Roxborough isn't on the Internets yet.

Nick Norlen: You might be right, but I have a feeling gluttony will best fitness in the end.

Patrick Rapa: Why do you think Comcast is brutalizing ...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: Mutilation Nation]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/02/28/mutilation-nation http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/02/28/mutilation-nation When Philadelphia painter R.A. Brown announced he had interested several networks in "Sideshow Nation," a variety show concept that mixed elements of old-school striptease, musical vaudeville and carnival freak-a-deakery, you knew not to expect its Sunday casting call at the North Star to look like a Mike Lemon session. Anonymously I'm told that the Learning Channel and Viacom have expressed interest in this program — one that'll follow the lives and exploits of those who "win" the auditions.

With Candy Mayhem (of the Hellcat Girls) as receptionist/greeter and drag doyenne Needles Jones as host, the stage was set, surely, for something wily and feminine. "There's lots of burlesque girls signed up," said Mayhem with a wild smile, pointing to Philly's Melissa Bang Bang and Heather Henderson. They danced behind large ostrich feathers and peeled down to their pasties.

Or like Lil' Steph, the "Five Foot Firecracker," who did a "Naughty Housewife" routine that left her bare-assed.

There were area guys in on the mischief, too, such as Ukes of Earl who belted out "Hungry Like the Wolf" with a loud "Can I get a whoop whoop" at the bridge. But the Human Pincushion and the guys lining up on beds of nails proved most exciting. To some. "Too much self-mutilation for my taste," said judge Jenny Balls.

"I'm getting ready to swallow a few swords tonight," said Jelly Boy the Clown from West Philly's Carnivolution troupe, wiping the greasepaint from his eye. Mathew Broomfield will do what he calls a "bed of nails sandwich" with a sledgehammer.

While one magician/fire artist, Barry Silver, told me how deadly and dangerous his art form is, he stated how great it would be to share his brand of entertainment with a television audience.

"It's about time. I've been doing this since I was 6. If I get on TV it'll be my way of showing off what's most educational to me — my way of teaching the world what I know."

If it's an educational process, I'm uncertain as to what could've been learned from Charlotte Sometimes. "I'm a piercing artist," said the quiet New Yorker wearing kabuki makeup and an orange ki...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: Little 'Duce Coup]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/01/17/little-duce-coup http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2008/01/17/little-duce-coup Before Danny Bonaduce knocks the tar from Justice's ears (or, who knows, the other way around?) here's the rest of the Icepack Q&A with a growly-voiced Bonaduce that took place on a Sunday night. He grabbed his smokes and we talked.

City Paper: When did you leave the Philly area?

Danny Bonaduce: I lived in Broomall and Havertown until age 4 and left permanently around that time. I moved back in here in 1988 and stayed for quite a long time.

CP: Did you have to kick any ass back then ... not when you were here the first time?

DB: When you are successful — which I was the second time around — smacking people gets very expensive. That said, I can't think of a major city I've been in or lived in where I didn't smack somebody. Things get out of control. South Street in particular; so yes, I did.

CP: Are you in fighting shape for this?

DB: Absolutely not. But my non-fighting shape usually trumps anyone else's best fighting condition.

CP: How's that?

DB: Because I'm harder than most.

CP: That's an impressive thought.

DB: I'm not trying to sound or seem tough. It's just a fact of life that I've learned the hard way. Just because I'm sober now doesn't mean you get to be a loud-mouthed drunk and not lose a lot of teeth. Maybe I have three teeth in my head that are mine. I don't have one quadrant of my body that doesn't have steel, pins and rods in it. I play hard. And I like it. So the fact that I don't know who this guy is or how big he is or what he knows just interests me at most.

CP: So hand-to-hand combat, mano y mano stuff — not to sound all militaristic here — thrills you?

DB: Yes. It does.

CP: Where does that come from?

DB: Being good at it. I make a very comfortable living because I'm amusing. When it's called for, I do that. When it's called for I can usually beat the other guy up, too. I don't have a lot of other skills other than those two things. If you ask me to be amusing ...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: Casualty of 'Bot War]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2007/12/06/casualty-of-bot-war http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2007/12/06/casualty-of-bot-war The Department of Justice announced Saturday it had indicted several people after an FBI probe into computer-related crimes, including a University of Pennsylvania junior. But it seems that for all the millions lost through fraud and identity theft uncovered by "Operation Bot Roast II," Ryan Goldstein's involvement was borne simply out of revenge. His indictment puts his alleged dirty work as causing just "a loss of more than $5,000."

Goldstein is accused of conspiring with a New Zealand teenager to attack and take down an IRC network that had banned him. He is said to have used Penn-related computers to help accomplish this, and in the process, crashed his school's server.

A spokesperson at the U.S. Attorney's Office for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania says the damages would be submitted by the victim and determined by the investigation. The engineering school's senior director of IT, Helen Anderson, said in an e-mail that eight people worked on the server problem, which "degraded" Web service over the course of five days, and rendered it unusable the morning of Feb. 23, 2006.

Bernie S. (aka Ed Cummings), a local writer for hacker magazine 2600 and an organizer of security conferences, expressed skepticism about the real figure: "The only reason the amount is $5,000 is to bring it above a baseline" for charges and sentencing. He also pointed out that Goldstein isn't accused of bringing down a commercial server where business would be lost.

Required Reading
The Daily Pennsylavnian's take on the indictment. <![CDATA[Fine Print: But Will There Be a Concierge Decathlon?]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2007/11/29/but-will-there-be-a-concierge-decathlon http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2007/11/29/but-will-there-be-a-concierge-decathlon


(CLICK IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION)

Inside the Pennsylvania Convention Center, guests shuffled from the information desk to the sandwich spread. Then an entourage of about 20 clad in matching T-shirts busted through chanting "Hilton in the House! Woo-woo!" and marched their bright blue "Hilton Garden Inn" banner down the hall.

This was the Hotel Olympics, an competition between area hotels where staffers break from their black-tie uniforms and employee policy chains to demonstrate what Philly hospitality's really all about. Created in 2001 by the Greater Philadelphia Hotel Association, Hotel Olympics was originally confined to housekeeping. Then other departments wanted in. Now in its seventh year, the contest included 12 games and a host of area support including volunteers from various culinary schools, nonprofits and hotel management grad students, and sponsorship from Proctor & Gamble — a hospitality service supply company that runs its own housekeepers' rumble in Denver, Colo.

More than 400 contestants made this production the largest to date. Tinsel pom-poms were shaken, T-shirts spun like helicopter blades, noisemakers blew and maracas rattled as Def Leppard and Michael Jackson played through the sound system. The DJ announced each of the 18 hotels as they entered the auditorium. Cheers. Boos. Booty dancing.

Competition commenced with a pie-eating contest. For the "Fajita Flip," participants were given a shallow stir-fry bowl for catching while their partners threw plastic veggies and a large rubber chicken over their shoulders with a skillet. For "Blind Folded Bed-Making," housekeepers were timed as they dressed a queen-size bed, including stuffing the duvet cover, using only di...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: One Old Bird]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2007/11/29/one-old-bird http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2007/11/29/one-old-bird At 94, Herman "Reds" Bassman of Petersburg, Va., is the oldest living former Philadelphia Eagle. A member of Central High's first city championship football team, Bassman delivered a first-quarter, 55-yard interception return in 1934 at Franklin Field that sparked Ursinus College's 7-6 upset over the University of Pennsylvania, then a national power. The touchdown earned him a tryout with the then three-year-old Eagles. He played one season (1936) as a cornerback and wingback. This season, the Eagles are celebrating their 75th anniversary.

City Paper: In 1934, Ursinus was supposed to be a tune-up for Penn, right?

Herman Bassman: Yeah, but "Lochie" Rhinehart delivered a block that sprung me. Then, when "Bounce" Bonkoski kicked our winning point, I was the holder. Penn scored first, but [Ursinus senior captain] Sammy Levin blocked the extra point.

CP: The victory led to national headlines, but what was it like back on campus in Collegeville?

HB: There were bonfires, and the administrators ordered a school holiday [Monday]. It was a great night, a once-in-a-century type thing. It's something you never forget — even after all these years.

CP: Didn't you have a hard time getting back to campus?

HB: Sammy and I were post-game radio guests, and we missed the [team] bus. It was the Depression, so we didn't have a cent between us. We had to hitchhike, but we went our separate ways [to visit local relatives]. I was picked up by classmates driving home, but I wish I'd never missed that bus. I never knew what went on during that ride, so I think about it all the time.

CP: After the Penn game, the Eagles sent you a tryout letter?

HB: They wanted to have somebody local to attract fans. I was a publicity stunt.

CP: But the Bert Bell-owned and -coached Eagles [one of just nine franchises then] struggled during your years, right?

HB: In 1936, we won the opener over the Giants, then dropped 11 straight [and 14 straight over two seasons]. We only scored 51 points all season. In 1937, we finished 2-8-1 [though the Bi...]]> <![CDATA[Fine Print: Mango Seasons]]> http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2007/11/08/mango seasons http://www.citypaper.net/articles/2007/11/08/mango seasons
We tear at the thin skin with our teeth and suck noisily, pressing on the fruit with both hands. A gush of nectar enters our mouths and sticky juice runs down our arms. Ants gather around as pulp and skin fall at our feet, the reason our mother makes us consume these mangos in the white heat of the blazing courtyard rather than the cool inside rooms.

My grandfather's lips quiver. He is obstinate in refusing to wear dentures, and cannot nibble through even these thin-skinned mangos. I bite off a little piece from one mango and hand it to him. His lips close around the defect in the skin and he kneads the mango, sucking at it greedily until only the skin and the pit remain. He tosses the depleted shell into a corner and glares at the mango-boy who is devouring a mango, without asking for grandfather's permission.

"Cheeky rogue," grandfather mutters. But his face is soft, an orange moustache of mango pulp giving him a clown like look.

"Eat up children," he says, "mango season is very short." He walks indoors for his afternoon nap.


The pale rock hard imitations that pass for mangos in American groceries are devoid of aroma, the interior fibrous and bland, as distinct from a mango as a soft Philadelphia pretzel from its hard-baked cousin. The fruit are encased in macramé jackets and placed in orderly pyramids, far from their sunny beginnings. I discover Mexican mangos at the Indian grocery store, closer kin to Indian mangos, but larger and heavier, like most things North American. They are sweet but lack the musky perfume of Indian mangos.

In the spring of 2007, a longstanding ban on the import of mangos from India is rescinded, and Alphonso...]]>